Matthew 18:15-20 | 23rd Ordinary Sunday | (Year A)

We bury the dead. But we also bury the living.

Sometimes a person dies, and we bury the body while continuing to carry the person in our hearts. But sometimes someone is still alive, and yet, because of hurt, betrayal, anger or disappointment, we bury that person within us. We stop speaking. We stop reaching out. Slowly, the person disappears from our inner world.
Perhaps this is one of the most painful things we can do to another human being: to make them disappear while they are still alive.
Then Jesus says: “If your brother sins against you…”
He does not say, “If someone sins against you.” He says, “your brother.” The sin does not erase the relationship. The one who has hurt me is still my brother.
It takes us back to Cain. After Cain kills Abel, God asks: “Where is your brother?” Cain answers, “Am I my brother’s keeper?”
Jesus seems to give us the answer Cain refused.
Cain had reduced Abel to someone who could disappear from his life. Jesus does the opposite. He tells us: Do not let your brother disappear.
Perhaps that is why Jesus says, “If he listens to you, you have won over your brother.” The purpose is not to win an argument or prove that I am right. It is to win my brother.
The Gospel does not ask us to pretend that what happened was not wrong, or that we were not hurt. Jesus speaks of going to the person and telling him his fault. There is truth. There is responsibility. There may also be a need for distance and boundaries. Forgiveness does not mean that everything becomes as it was before.
But perhaps forgiveness begins somewhere deeper: by refusing to erase the person from our heart.

We may not be able to restore a relationship. We may need distance. We may not even be able to speak to the person. The wound may remain, and the past cannot be changed. But perhaps we can still refuse to bury our brother within us.
There are people who are alive, but whom we have buried in our hearts. We no longer pray for them. We no longer remember anything good about them. We have closed the door so completely that, for us, they have ceased to exist. Perhaps we have our reasons.
But the Gospel still asks:
Who have I buried while they are still alive?

Where is my brother; and what happened to him?